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By: Pastor Nathan Berg

Conventional (worldly) wisdom says that it’s risky to get married before you are 30. The thinking goes that if you wait until 30 or later to get married, you’re more likely to have the maturity required to both make a good choice and be a good spouse. It seems that people in America are following  this wisdom. The median age for marriage for American women is 29 and it’s 30 for American men. There’s even been a study which claims that people who married too early were more likely to end up divorced.

However, there is an exception to this “rule.” The Wall Street Journal  highlights a recent study by the U.S. Government’s National Survey of Family Growth that shows that women who married young (before the age of 30), who married directly, without ever living together before marriage, had the lowest divorce rates. But for those in the same age bracket who did live together before marriage, the divorce rates were much higher. What was commonly believed to be a good way to “test out” whether you’ll be compatible, actually turns out to be the opposite.  Americans who live together before marriage are less likely to be happily married and more likely to end up in divorce court. People are astonished by this!

But we shouldn’t be surprised.  Back in the beginning, God established the guidelines for marriage.  “For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and will remain united with his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, EHV). The fact that God uses the picture of marriage to describe his relationship with his chosen people Israel and with his Church indicates the importance of this relationship. The sheer volume of passages in the Bible that speak against sexual immorality should give us a clue that God’s design is how it’s supposed to be. The intimate relationship of a husband and wife is not one that can be “tested out.” The writer to the Hebrews reminds us, “Marriage is to be held in honor by all, and the marriage bed is to be kept undefiled, for God will judge sexually immoral people and adulterers.” (Hebrews 13:4, EHV)  

The idea that the intimate relationship designed by God specifically for marriage is disposable, that it is something to be tried out and then tossed away, is a product of sin. It is the influence of Satan who wants us to only think about myself and my needs. It’s a mutilation of what it truly means to love.  Marriage is intended to reflect the union of Christ and his people. Husbands are to imitate the unconditional and self-sacrificing love of Christ. Wives are to reflect the Christian’s joyful respect and submission to Jesus. Love in a marriage is many things, but above all it is a choice. It is a choice to put your own needs aside and consider the needs of your spouse first. It is a choice to overlook faults and to serve one another out of reverence for Christ. 

When people follow God’s design for marriage, it shouldn’t surprise us that it works the best. That isn’t to say there won’t be challenges and difficulties. But Christ’s love for us is what allows us to love in a marriage. As we choose to love our spouse, we are at the same time loving and honoring Christ. Marriage is hard work. To help with that work, our Synod has been producing weekly videos called, “Marriage Moments.” You can find all the resources for weekly marriage maintenance at: welscongregationalservices.net/ministry-resources/wels-marriages/marriagemoments

May God help all singles to swim against conventional wisdom and save living together for marriage. May God help all husbands and wives to carry out their marriage promises and to continue to choose to love. Even the world is starting to see that God’s design for marriage works best. Imagine that!