Our Sermons

Bible Passage: Ephesians 5:21-33
Pastor: Pastor Schlicht
Sermon Date:  August 9, 2018

Today we continue our look at Gospel Unity, specifically the union of a husband and wife in Christian marriage. We have a well-known portion of Ephesians 5 before us which, frankly, has often been abused by interpreters and sometimes even used to abuse people. It contains the buzzword of “submission” and this is either dishonestly explained completely away, or ‘mansplained’ to mean something more like subjugation. I’d like to avoid both extremes. You see when people try to justify their own agenda in the Bible, they end up doing what almost every other critic does: They don’t take the time to actually read it. So today I’d like to go through the words thoroughly with you and illuminate the real picture God is trying to paint with Christian marriage.

If you want to grasp this section you need to start with verses 31 & 32, because if you miss those two verses you really miss the whole crux of the argument. Paul writes: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” Paul, just like Jesus once did, goes back to the book of Genesis and affirms God’s institution of marriage as a one-flesh unity between a man and a woman. And then he says, “This is a profound mystery.” And at first, you might think, “That is a profound mystery: Two people becoming one single flesh?” But then Paul says, “I am talking about Christ and the church”. The mystery is that this coming together of the husband and wife as one flesh is a picture of Christ’s relationship with the church. It’s like the Old Testament sacrifices. All the lambs and bulls that were slaughtered on the altar were meant to point ahead to Jesus’ final sacrifice offered the cross. In a similar way, earthly marriages point ahead to Jesus’ eternal marriage with his church! The real mystery is that Jesus loves us as his bride! He has chosen to marry us and be united with us! Think about that reality: the Almighty God has united us to himself in such a way that we are part of his body, “one flesh” with him through faith! That is an amazing thought! That is a profound mystery!

That is where we need to start because Christian marriage doesn’t last forever. Jesus said that in heaven “People will neither marry nor be given in marriage.” (Mat 22:30, Mk 12:25) The only eternal marriage is that of Christ and his church. So, in other words, this section really isn’t just about our marriages. People get married for many reasons: We don’t want to be lonely, we want to have children, we want to fit in with society, we fall in love…but the main goal for marriage shouldn’t be anything that happens on this side of heaven. Christian marriage should be about painting a picture of Jesus to each other and the world. This is a high calling, isn’t it? I already know the tension I feel when I think about that mission and my own marriage. Thankfully, the Lord provides not only strength for us to carry it out, not only forgiveness for those times we have fallen short, but even the will in us to carry out this great purpose. 

I want to pause for a moment here. I know many of you have been through terrible pain and frustration because of a marriage. I know that some of you are going through that right now. I know that marriage creates many ways to feel guilt unlike any other relationship. So before we go any further, I’d like to say a prayer:

Dear Lord, in love you have taken each of us as your holy bride. Your faithful love has been kind to us even when we have not respected you or what you teach about marriage.  Lord, for all those who have been involved with divorce, for those who have been scarred because of a marriage, for those whose marriage is struggling, send your Spirit to convince us of our forgiveness through in Jesus Christ. Teach us again that, through faith, we are pure and blameless in your eyes. Strengthen our trust in you as we take the Word to heart today. Amen.

Ok, we know the big picture; now let’s see how Paul applies it. Look at verse 21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” The relationship of a husband and wife, just like the relationship of every Christian to another, is based on mutual submission. Both must first submit to God and then to each other as God commands. Don’t pass by this too quickly, husbands are asked to submit to their wives, not just wives to their husbands. Though the role this submission takes may be different, submission is asked of both the husband and the wife.

Then Paul addresses the women specifically: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” The wife is asked to submit to her husband, as to the Lord and as the church submits to Christ. Women, this is so important: if you cannot submit to the Lord first, you definitely won’t be able to submit to a sinful husband. I probably don’t need to remind you, but there is a big difference between God and your husband. If you don’t think Michelangelo could teach you how to sculpt you’re probably not going to take lessons from a toddler mashing play dough. In the same way, if you aren’t willing to submit to the Almighty God, it will not be possible to submit to your husband. There will be many times when your husband does not deserve to be the head of your family, there will be times when he does not deserve your submission. But God asks you to paint a picture. He doesn’t ask you to do what is easy or “what works” for your marriage; he doesn’t ask you to follow society’s expectations. He asks you, out of your own love for him, to submit to your husband. (I’m not talking about standing for abuse or being a doormat. That’s not submission and that will be obvious when Paul addresses the husbands.) I’m talking about supporting your husband as your head and putting him first, even when he doesn’t deserve it. And this is when you really begin to paint a picture of Christ and the Church. Jesus said, “What credit is it to you if you only love those who love you…even unbelievers do that.” (Lk 6) Everybody reciprocates kindness, but Christians look most like Christ when they show love to those who don’t deserve it. Jesus laid down his life for the soldiers who nailed him to the cross. What does that say about submission? As the unparalleled eternal God, he submitted to their hammers and nails, even to the point of death. Why would he do that? Because our culture said it was correct? Because we deserved it? (Certainly, not.) Because he wanted to? No. He did it because the Father asked him to. There is an incredible strength and maturity in godly submission. Women, paint a picture of the Church’s submission to Christ, and your husbands, your children, and the world will take note.

That brings us to the men: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” If you really read this you’ll see why I almost laugh at people when they tell me that the Bible teaches women are to be enslaved by men. It just goes to show they haven’t actually read more than one verse. Yes, Paul does tell women to “submit to their husbands as to the Lord,” but his very next words command husbands to love their wives “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Paul says that husbands are to put their wives’ best interests before their own, even to the point of dying for them. This section does not justify misogyny; it opposes it. Wives are called to submit, but the husband is called to be Jesus, himself! In fact, if you really understand this correctly, I think men would a bit more offense at their role. There is no man, in his right mind, who should feel comfortable with this task! (I feel almost overwhelmed sometimes at the thought of loving my wife as much as Jesus does.) Paul tells us not to command and control, but to sacrifice and serve. Selfishness has no place in the husband’s relationship with his wife. Getting your way or manipulating your wife into doing things for you would be to sin against your God-given role. As Jesus said, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28, Mk 10:45) Thankfully, our comfort is that the Lord who laid down his life for us will teach us to be like him. He has not left us alone. Men, your role model is also your Savior, go to him when the task is hard. Ask him for wisdom and he will supply it. Ask him for strength and it will be yours. Ask him for a willing spirit and the Spirit will be there with his power and joy.

That being said, as you lay down your own life in service, remember that you are still called the “head” in the relationship. Your love is to display itself in service, but you are a servant-leader. When Jesus washed his disciples’ feet, he acted as the lowest servant, but no one questioned who was leading the group. It may not be a popular thought in our culture, but God called you to be the head of your wife. Not because you are confident to assume this role yourself, but because in this way you paint a picture of Jesus’ leadership of his Church. How does he lead? Jesus leads the church by making us holy and presenting us to God without stain wrinkle or any other blemish. Husbands, this means your leadership focuses primarily on your family’s spiritual health and in this context, especially your wife’s relationship with God. Lead her to God. Keep her in the Word. Encourage her in faith and admonish her when she goes astray. Remind her that Jesus has made her radiant and beautiful.

That is more than enough to think about, but Paul has even more words for husbands here. Verse 28, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” This is sort of the biblical equivalent of “happy wife, happy life.” Men, if you want to be joyful as a Christian husband, serve and lead your wife in love. A marriage where a husband who doesn’t love his wife, doesn’t lead her in faith, doesn’t worry about any devotional habit, doesn’t serve her, is a recipe for misery and isolation. But the Holy Spirit works in us to desire the opposite. The romantic feelings come and go, but the love a Christian husband has for his wife is a choice he desires to make again and again each day.

This may be a way to wrap it up, but in the book of Malachi (Malachi 1), we hear that people were bringing blind, diseased, and lame animals as sacrifices for God. They weren’t sacrificing, they were trying to use God to get rid of animals they didn’t want. Remember these were supposed to be a picture of Jesus, the spotless lamb of God. Needless to say, God was not pleased with the picture these people were painting. He had asked them for a 1-year-old unblemished male. He asked for the best of their herd, a real sacrifice. My friends, God knows that filling the roles he has commanded isn’t going to be easy for us. He asks us for real sacrifice because he knows that through mutual submission, a Christian marriage can be an accurate picture of his love. You may not think of your marriage as a work of art, but that is what God intends it to be. And his promise is if you glorify him in this way, the marriage you’ve been praying for will come along as well. It will be a secondary, side benefit of your greater mission, but through submission to God and to each other, your love will grow deeper and stronger than you probably think is possible.

My friends, I ask you to set aside some time this week and apply these words in the context of your own marriages. I ask those of you who are not married to be intentional about what you look for in a spouse. And finally, I pray that all of us stay focused on our Savior who has presented us to God as holy and blameless. May God bless our Gospel Unity here at Eastside Lutheran through mutual submission.

Amen.